One in five Belgian men aged 30 or older still live in the parental home. And I am not even surprised. I don't know how society was before, but the generation I'm living with expects way more from their parents than I can comprehend based on my two cultural backgrounds. On one hand, the ideal in the US is to move out after college and never live with your parents again. On the other hand, the expectation of the Chinese is for you to live with your parents for a long time--in order to take care of them after you graduate from college, financially and in the household.
To my surprise, however, this article puts the younger generation at fault. "The parent-child power relationship is simply reversed. We are aware of cases of parents who were abused like house slaves,' the law office said." This alleged reversal contradicts the comments that Mrs. Boulpaep, wife of the president of the Belgian American Educational Foundation, made when we gathered for dinner at their home in Connecticut. Although she is Belgian, she expressed surprisingly vehement outrage that parents in Belgium are keeping their children at home and/or dependent on them long after they become adults, and blamed it on the parents' desire to keep their children beholden to them. She was of the opinion that parents keep their children partially dependent for their own short-sighted gratification.
The examples I know of personally seem more in line with the opinion expressed in the article. My landlady and her husband took their son to court when he ran away from home to live with his adolescent girlfriend (and her parents!) and attempted to charge all his expenses to them although he had no plans to return. They won the case, and he had to pay the bills off himself. And although its absolutely terrible to have a homophobic father as a lesbian, I don't understand why a grown daughter should expect her father to allow her partner to stay over and eat at their house constantly, as described to me by a friend. I would feel humiliated imposing on my parents in such a way, and I would not allow my children to do such a thing. You want to be with somebody--man or woman--you support yourself.
Where else in the world is this problem on the rise? Is it the natural consequence of relative economic prosperity or is it a cultural phenomenon?
3 comments:
I agree elvo, although I believe it's more often a question of taking dirt advantage of wealthy parents than a question of economical necessity. True, the first years can be really tough: leave that car, pretty appartment and intercontinental journeys for a few years and be aware of every cent you spend or put aside. True, college often doesn't put you right to a real-life job, but stats don't lie: 90% gets a job within a year, and it's often decently paid. So after these first few hard years (say, until age 25 or 26), most are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. Staying at home any longer then only means being too selfish to spend anything of your own on basic living. Those are 32 year old people, living with their parents while going on organized intercontinental, "adventurous" and expensive holidays with, for instance, organizations like "Joker" and so on... In any case, it's got nothing to do with taking care of parents...
Anyway, even if I'd save a million by living with my parents, I wouldn't want it (apart from the fact that they financially couldn't keep on supporting us three in such a way)! Just imagine... no wonder tensions sometimes get out of hand and become bullying...
I'm glad my parents warned us well in advance they expected us to have moved out and to be independent by 25 at most :-) (Which is still remarkably older than in Denmark, for instance).
On the other hand, the care provided by children towards their parents in other cultures (in the arab world, for instance, or apparently in china as well) is something we could learn a lot from. Although in that case, I’d prefer to live close to my parents (in the same street or so) and support them in any possible way, rather than living under the same roof…
After college in the US, you've got basically nothing... besides at least $20,000 of college tuition debt ($100,000 if you went to medical school). You can, however, work hard, make long hours, live in a very modest apartment by yourself or with friends, and drive a beat-up old car. The nitty gritty bits you already learned in college... you have been living on your own and doing laundry etc since you were 18 years old. You finish paying off your university expenses when you are between 30 and 40, but you have not found it necessary to live at home to pay off those debts while simultaneously supporting yourself and building a decent life and family. If that's possible in the US, is it not possible here?
lol elvo :-) Some of these people actually fail to lunch, as they don't even know how to fix a proper meal :-) Some actually still go home for their laundry at 25!
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