I hate cheap knives. Especially cheap serrated IKEA knives that can't be sharpened. Everyone knows I'm perpetually daydreaming about my future kitchen with its space-age juicer and million-dollar kitchen knife, but can anyone even fathom the depth of my hatred for my apartment's kitchen knife today? It slipped off the onion I was chopping (an onion, of all things, should not pose a challenge to a kitchen knife) and straight into my left index finger. The bandage on said finger makes it rather hard for it to play just one note on the organ.

Cheap kitchen knives, die!